The Moon is Made of Sour Milk Chunks
by ObsidianSickle
Summary: For those of you who have read Cherry sama's 'Totally Messed', this is a side story featuring Navi and Ivan. Includes Link's snoring, Navi's irritability, and Ivan's stupidity. You have been warned.


Welcome readers, to this fic! This is a romance/humor story I wrote for Cherry-sama on her birthday. It ties in with her parody of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Totally Messed. If you have not read it, you will have no idea why Saria has a campervan, or why Zelda was singing. I suggest you read it before you read this. Ivan, FYI, is Saria's fairy.

Cherry-sama had often said that she wanted a fic done on this couple, but she said she wasn't good at writing romance. She asked me a while ago if I would do a fic on this couple…but I decided to save it for a birthday surprise! Happy Birthday Cherry-sama!

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Stars twinkled overhead that night, while the moon was full. The air was cool and there was no wind. There was absolute and total silence, peace over the forest nook that was the Kokiri Village. Those were the kinds of nights that Navi hated; because when it was this quiet, it was bound to be broken by the loudest, most explosive and eruptive sound ever heard in Hyrule: Link's snores. Navi had never heard anything so loud before! She had been nagged at by Ms. Shadowpunkle, put up with Volvolgia's hisses, and she had even survived Zelda's singing (but that was cutting it a little too close for comfort). However, none of those had come close to comparing to the volume of Link's snoring.

It was like an unwritten rule, that the silence of the night drew on especially loud snores. Things had gotten slightly worse after Mido died, because the constant whining he did in his sleep was no longer around to drown out Link's snores.

Tonight, however was possibly the worst night that Navi could remember Link's snores. She had tried everything to drown out the noise: hiding under a pillow (then she remembered that she was allergic to feathers), plugged her ears (which was difficult because she didn't have any hands); she had even stuffed herself inside one of Link's empty bottles (she resolved never to do that again). Finally, she ended up flying outside into the slightly more silent outdoors.

She shivered slightly and flew to the roof, alighting herself upon one of the large leaves that sprouted out of the top of Link's house.

'_Always made it look like a turnip,'_ she thought to herself.

She closed her eyes and was just nodding off when the roof vibrated under her and a moderately volume-ed snore wafted outside.

"Muddy Deku Scrub!" Navi shouted angrily, "One more snore like that and I'll bring Ruto over here!"

Of course, being nice, Navi didn't do such a thing. She took off in a huff and flew towards the Lost Woods muttering under her breath about Link, as she went.

She entered the Sacred Forest Meadow, looking left and looking right for the giant-gopher-bulldog-thingies, before remembering that they were only there in the future, and this was the past—present, whatever.

She zoomed down the campervan-shaped holes and towards the Forest Temple. Sure, nobody would be there for seven years, but maybe Afatufivomany's relatives would let her stay the night—even if Link did kill Afatufivomany, she had nothing to do with it, and they would _probably_ let her stay…

She was just passing by Saria's campervan when she crashed head on into something, then tumbled head-over-heels to the ground.

"Hiya Navi!" exclaimed a familiar voice.

Navi took flight again painfully, "Ivan, you moron! Watch where you're going next time!"

"Sorry Navi!" the other fairy replied apologetically, flying away and subsequently crashing into a wall.

Navi rolled her eyes and flew over to help Ivan up. Silly Ivan. Zero I.Q., zero sense of direction and zero depth perception.

"Where's Saria?" Navi asked patiently.

"She's asleep!" Ivan replied happily.

"Yes, but where is she asleep?" Navi asked rolling her eyes.

"Over that way…" Ivan paused, "Or…it was over there!"

"Joy…" Navi slapped her forhead with her hand, (which was odd because she didn't have any hands), "Is she asleep in her campervan over there?

Ivan's eyes looked over to the van and a smile replaced his idiotic look, "Wow Navi! You found her!"

"Yes I did, now you'd better go back to her before she finds out you're not there," Navi paused while waving Ivan off.

"Wait, Navi!" Ivan exclaimed, "Where are you going?"

"Up there," Navi gestured to the entrance of the Forest Temple.

"Nuh-uh! Don't do that! There are bad poofy fluffy things there!" Ivan exclaimed, clutching Navi's arm (?).

"'Bad poofy fluffy things?' Ivan what are you talking about?" Navi asked.

"They are brown with red-glowy eyes and—and—and—they have chewed on 9876543210 rubber chickens!" Ivan persisted.

"How did you know how many rubber chickens it knawed on?"

"One tried to eat me!" Ivan exclaimed, "But Saria came and saved me!"

'_So that's how she learned those Matrix-like ninja skills,'_ Navi thought to herself while vowing to find out what a "matrix" and a "ninja" were.

"Don't go in there, Navi!" Ivan pleaded, "The evil poofs will get you!"

Navi sighed in resignation, "Fine, fine!"

She alighted lightly on the stump that Saria usually sat on and stared at the full moon. Ivan came and sat down beside her.

"Navi?"

"Yes, Ivan?"

"What is the moon made up of?"

"Um…uh…" Navi wracked her brains for an explanation, "It's made out of…sour milk chunks! Yeah, that's right!"

"Oh," Ivan said, realization coming on his face, "That makes sense. I always thought that the moon was a giant rock that was always falling to the world but always misses."

"You're confusing it with yourself Ivan… except you never miss," Navi said rolling her eyes. She didn't know what the moon was made out of…but what did Ivan know?

Navi sighed and shivered slightly. Suddenly, Ivan put his arms around her.

"Ivan? What are you doing…?" Navi asked, blushing.

"You looked cold," Ivan replied, not noticing the embarrassment in Navi's voice.

"I see…"

"Navi?"

"Yes?"

"Did I ever tell you that I always thought you were the prettiest fairy at school?"

Navi blushed harder. Ivan would tell her that in seven years time, but to explain to Ivan that yes he had, but it hadn't happened yet, would only confuse him.

"You just did," Navi responded instead.

"Oh, okay…well, you are, Navi," Ivan responded cheerily.

There was a pause.

"Ivan?"

"Yeah Navi?"

"Well...erm…What I…er…uh…okay fine! I'll just say it! Out of all the fairies in school…while you were the dumbest…I always thought…that you were one of the nicest, Ivan," Navi stammered, "There! I said it!"

Her words were greeted by a loud snore. Navi looked down and saw that Ivan had fallen asleep.

"Ivan you idiot!" Navi hollered while pushing him awake.

"Wha-wha?" Ivan paused sleepily.

"After what I just said, you were asleep, while I said it? How inconsiderate! After I just practically confess how I—I—never mind!" Navi ranted, then ended in a huff.

Ivan blinked.

"Oh, come on!" Navi led the direction-senseless Ivan to Saria's campervan, then, making sure he was not in a position where he would injure himself (like roll off a shelf and into a toaster), she left. Link had better have stopped snoring, or she would murder him. Thankfully, he had. Snuggling down in a patch of soft moss, she blushed at what she had said to Ivan.

"Silly Ivan," she murmured, before drifting off to sleep.

_Fin_

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Well, that was it. I hope you liked it. Especially you, Cherry-sama.

Luv,

Drie


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